That time has come....

Just to keep you updated:

Day 29
Weight 122.1kg
Gain/Loss: Nil

Yes, yes I know. I haven't been here for ages. The combined delights of overtime, unexpected snowfall and morbid laziness mean that I haven't updated this for a while. I am still holding out some home that people OTHER THAN ME are reading this. Are you out there? (*tap tap tap*)

So, the weight loss has hit its first plateau, as I knew it would. However, unlike the Tibetan plateau, this one is not unassailable without a sherpa and three pack donkeys. It is time, however horrific this may seem, to go back to the gym.

This afternoon, I strode out with joy in my heart, a song in my lungs, and possibly an ulcer in my stomach. I had been a member of a gym before, oh yes. And I had failed miserably. But this time would be different! I had three gyms on my mind and decided to visit each one.

Gym The First

This is a gym in a pleasant city-centre hotel. Not the largest, but cheap-ish and relatively nice facilities.

Me: Hello, I'd like to join.
Receptionist: Certainly sir, just fill in these 42 forms, provide a CRB reference here, a saliva sample here, and a 500 word essay on ponies trotting through the apricot blossom here.
Me: ??? (toddle off to find an apposite rhyme for "blossom")
Receptionist: Thank you for completing those forms. Now, we're not actually accepting new members at the moment, but you'll be on the waiting list...
Me: What the fudge?
Receptionist: Oh no, there's about a 6-8 week wait to join.
Me: Thanks. That's 25 minutes of my life I won't get back....AND THE PONIES ARE ALL DEAD!

Gym The Second

This is a council run gym/ leisure complex.





Oh dear sweet lord, no.

Gym The Third

I actually visited this place when I was last looking for somewhere to set fire to £40 a month. The chap who showed me round that time reminded me of this. And as I came in, wandering between racks of whey protein, glucose supplements and wolf nipple chips, I was afraid I would have a similar experience. But no, the gym had been done up....it was quite nice. And the chap who showed me round did something very odd.

"So Mr Dave, do you want some time to go away and think about this?"
"Err yeah...that would be good."
"Well here's a free day pass. Go and explore and let me know."

So I explored. I had a swim. I relaxed in the jacuzzi. I nearly died in the steam room.
All in all, Total Fitness, you impress me. And hopefully you can scythe the lard from my belly like a big...scything...thing.